The Snow Is Attacking!

Washington DC, psychologically speaking, is not in the Mid-Atlantic.

It’s as southern as grits and dead possum (that’s a southern thing, right?)

This is evidenced by the fact that right now, as we speak, it’s snowing in DC (total accumulation: a quarter of an inch). This means:
-schools close
-liberal leave is in effect at most employers
-commutes take twice as long (avg.)
-SUVs crash through fences to smash into commuter trains (this happened last winter)

If this were Massachusetts or Wisconsin, no one would even notice this weather. In Washington, though, it’s the only topic of conversation. Since it started snowing at 10:30 this morning, it’s the lead story on the Washington Post website.

The lead story!

The fact that DC gets snowed on, though, just makes it like most of the rest of the country (despite what Fox dramas would have us believe…damn you, The O.C.!). The public’s response, however, is what makes Washington southern. Only in the south would winter precipitation (sometimes called “wintry mix” here, which I refuse to say…it was difficult enough just to write it here) cause the populace to ransack the groceries, hauling carts full of Charmin and Evian home, as if this were a great nor’easter, and we might not be able to dig out for several weeks.

The total accumulation is expected to be one to two inches.

More maddeningly, this happens several times each winter. Yet, local governments refuse to buy the snowplows needed to deal with the (inevitable) weather and have the control to run them 24 hours a day. Instead, they rent them by the hour from private businesses, who get to decide how long to run.

And there is the crux of the southern mindset: in the face of overwhelming northern evidence (consistent annual snowfall), the public continues to pretend that the snow will never come, instead of ramping up the infrastructure to deal with it (like they do in the north).

However, Michael says if it keeps snowing, we get chili for dinner!