No Such Thing as a Free Soda

Coca Cola, in a lame response to Pepsi giving away 100 million iTunes songs under their bottle caps, is giving away...more Coca Cola.

1 in 12 wins, they say.

1 in 12 doesn't sound nearly as exciting as 100 million. But, with a bit of market share, they really don't have to try quite as hard as Pepsi.

I, of course, am unswayed by the marketing ploy, and have continued to drink my solitary Diet Coke during each class period of my night class. Of course, I never win anything, despite having "played" at least 30 times.

However, I finally DID win this past Tuesday, and I was so excited I jumped up in class and exclaimed, "I won!" Right. in. the. middle. of. class. Oh, then I gave my friend a big hug, who looked at me bewilderedly.

I was excited to redeem my prize for my class last night. However, it was valid for a 1 liter bottle, and I would be damned if I was going to just get 20 oz. I stopped at 7 Eleven, and they only had 1 liter bottles of regular Coke and Sprite. So, I went with the regular and scooted off to class.

Not 20 minutes into the lecture, I had to excuse myself...bladder bursting, I hobbled from the classroom. The problem with a huge free soda is: I will drink every last drop. Even if it's not the kind of soda I like, even if it's not an approriate place, even if I wet myself.

Of course, I couldn't fall asleep after drinking that much sugar either. I tossed and turned for more than an hour after laying down.

Never again will I turn my back on Diet Coke.

Why's It So Hard?

I know I shouldn't be quoting Madonna this early in the morning, but sometimes the question begs asking: why do things have to be so difficult?

Previously: I was trying to get the home computer onto the cable internet, and was getting a different story from each person I talked to. The last person I spoke with said that I should be all set, and to try to get online.

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It only took about 10 minutes to hook up all the cables and get the CD loaded to get onto the cable system's precious internet access. You don't realize how much you do online until, suddenly, you don't have internet access. To wit: I now find movie showtimes by keying the movie name into Google. Previously, I called the theater, or even bought a newspaper just to find out what movies were showing, and when. Now, it takes all of 0.39 seconds (according to Google).

So, I am choked off from obsessively checking my email. More importantly, my Amazon storefront is stagnating because I can't get any new items listed. Most importantly, the Amazon merchandise is starting to pile up in the house, and Michael is getting sick of it. Getting the internet hooked up is rapidly becoming a make-or-break issue in the new house.

Imagine my disappointment and frustration when I couldn't get online. But, a service rep warned me that I might need to call Tech Support to give them the serial number from my modem. So, I called, hoping to finally be done with the ordeal. Alas, the tech reported that they needed to send someone out to my house. Then, she promptly 'transferred' (read: disconnected) me.

I called back to talk to customer support. After a not-unbearable hold (weirdly, they don't play hold music, so I had to keep checking my phone to make sure I was still connected...I kept telling myself that my call was very important to them, and it would be answered in the order in which it was received. This sounds even more hollow when you say it to your self...aloud), I got Nicky on the phone. She asked if she could help me.

I said, "Boy, Nicky, I sure hope so. First off, I want you to know that you are the ninth person I have spoken to in the past three days, three people were supposed to have called me back, and none have, and I was just disconnected by someone in the tech department. So, I really hope that you are the Golden Ticket and will be able to help me with my situation."

After 45 minutes, Nicky was able to get everything sussed out. Several times she put me on hold for more than 5 minutes at a time, but she was so apologetic, and just wanted to "double check everything" to make sure I wouldn't run into any more problems.

Her solution includes someone coming over to my house tomorrow morning to make sure everything is working. That's Saturday. At 7 AM. 7 on Saturday. On the one hand, Saturday at 7 is hella early. On the other hand, I'm up anyway. On the other hand, it will cut into my tag saleing time (the best deals are always in the wee hours). On the other hand, it means that ostensibly someone from the cable company has to get up at some time before 7 in order to be at my house at 7.

Oh yeah, Nicky also threw scads of discounts, waived fees, and a free month of service at me.

All in all, I am satisfied with their service (at least until someone comes tomorrow at 7 and tells me that it's still not going to work), but ambivalent. Of course, I would rather not have to spend several hours fighting with various customer service people to get 1) a straight answer and 2) the deal they SENT ME IN THE MAIL. On the other hand, the bargain hunter in me is quite happy taking an hour or so to wheedle and come out saving a hundred bucks or so.

A bag of M&Ms (plain only) if you can guess the company...no M&Ms if you guess but you already know! Perhaps, though I could scrounge up some of those wax paper peanut butter Halloween chews.

Productivity Approaching Zero

Did you ever notice that the less things you have to do, the harder it is to get them done?

As we are nearing the end of our home preparations, the task list is dwindling. Why, then, can't I just get it all finished?

Yesterday, I attempted to make a big stab at moving things along: pick up the internet kit from the cable company, a UPS package, make a couple of returns, do some grocery shopping, get some welding epoxy for the screen door, and then some laundry and hooking up the internet.

This seems like a reasonable list of things to do between, say, 5 and 10 pm.

However, it was not to be.

Before I could drive to even the first errand, I had to put a tire on my car: last week one of the tires was low, and the donut had to go on. On Sunday, when I was having a bunch of other car repairs done (when it rains...), I had the guy look at the tire. Both of us thought it looked fine. So, we filled it back up, and left it in the trunk to see if it would leak out. The good news is that it held air. But, that meant I had to put the regular tire back on...still in my work clothes, in 88 degree humidity.

Then, it was off to the cable company. All I had to do was pick up a CD with the installation program...after this visit, I would rather stand on one leg covered in honey waiting for fire ants to find me than go back. Apparently, EVERYTHING I had been told by the several previous customer service agents was, in reality, the exact opposite of the truth. 100% made up. So, I had to go 12 rounds with the poor guy in front of me, only to leave without internet access. (Side note: on calling back today, I was told that there is no reason I should've had any problem, and that somehow, miraculously, everything is all set now. In the last 12 hours, everything that was preventing me from getting online has resolved itself. An update later, after I get home and can check to see whether I can get online or not.)

Then, I had to scramble to UPS to pick up a package. Since our new building only has someone working at the desk from 10 AM - 1 PM every second Thursday of the month, there's no one to leave packages with. I called ahead, they said my package was waiting for me to embrace it and carry it home. I was so excited! I still get a rush getting mail. So you can understand why, after waiting an hour and fifteen minutes, I was a tad dismayed that my package was nowhere to be found.

I mean nowhere. They claimed it was "somewhere in the building," and perhaps it was in a locked area that they couldn't get to. Everyone was very nice, but I don't go to the package store so someone will be nice to me. I GO TO GET MY PACKAGES!

At this point, it was 9 pm, and I had gotten exactly nothing accomplished.

With a profound weariness and aches that ground my bones, I trudged to the grocery store, thinking that at least I could get something done.

Please, take my advise on this one: don't let the grocery store be the highlight of your day. You start thinking about how, if you can't get anything else done right, at least you can make a nice cheesecake. So, you end up buying all these ingredients to make a cheesecake, and now you're trying to figure out when you will have two hours that you know you'll be in the house to leave the oven on, and you realize that you have NO time to make freaking cheesecake! You can barely heat up a TV dinner when you get home. Just when do you expect to make cheesecake? From scratch?!

Also, shopping hungry, as we all know, is a terrible idea. You end up with fruit-bomb drinkable yogurt...and not just one or two, but a whole case of them. Because they were such a great deal: only thrice the price of regular yogurt.

And, tonight my class starts; it's nice to know that everything in my life is perfectly in order, so I can relax and focus on filling my mind with complex and esoteric theories about why the Chinese are good at business.

Summer School Starts Tomorrow.

Just having spent most of yesterday basking in the sun, I am less-than-thrilled that summer classes start tomorrow.

Summer school is just a blight on humanity.

Time to get a-edumacated.