Traveling Is Not Romantic

I have seen old movies, and know that overseas travel used to be a special, once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Those days are long gone. This is not news, I know, but lately I am struck by how far we have fallen.

The following is a list of things that I personally experienced on my last trip:

1. A woman putting a suitcase inside of an empty suitcase. Honestly, if you are going to buy that much stuff, just ship it home.

2. Several people losing hundreds of dollars in cologne because they didn't have them in plastic bags. Dear God, the terrorists have officially won. There is a whole Saturday Night Live sketch based on defining liquids and gels. Seriously, you didn't know?

3. Two acquaintances who randomly ran into each other, and it turns out they are on the same flight. So, the one in line lets the other cut in with her. I told them that if they wanted to be together in line, it was only respectful to everyone else that they both go to the end of the line. They stayed apart in the line, then fussed to the customer service agent, and the one further back was allowed to cut.

4. A newlywed couple flying to their honeymoon - in their pajamas. These were not Juicy sweats, they were straight up p.j.s. Fraying t-shirts, schlumpy sweatpants, and sneakers. I am surprised they didn't wear slippers.

It's a jungle out their, travelers. Brace yourselves.

The County Fair

Last weekend, Michael took me to the Rockbridge County Fair. It reminded me a lot of the Rosholt Fair that I used to go to every year in Wisconsin growing up.

My whole family would work together as part of the Village Church, along with many friends, to man the cheese curd booth, where we served deep fried cheese curds from 11 AM through 1 AM. For four solid days, I survived on curds, hamburgers, and all the fountain soda I could drink. I remember what a treat it was to drink a carton of milk after a couple of days! My hair would smell like fryer grease for several days, and my curd cravings would be satiated for twelve entire months.

There were no cheese curds in Virginia, but we still had a great time. I went on a new ride that was a real gut buster. It was a large pendulum - like the pirate ship rides - except that the carriage also turned in circles as it swung higher and higher from side to side. I have not felt that queasy from a ride in years...they are really upping the ante on these portable carnival rides!

Then, we spent 20 minutes watching a carney take a group of teenagers for $180. It was the smoothest, best played con I have probably ever seen in person.

The game was deceptively simple. Use 5 small discs to completely cover a larger circle. Of course, the dimensions were very precise - you had to drop each disc exactly. And the barker did it over and over to show just how easy it was! The prizes were amazing - an Xbox 360 + $100 was one of them. And plays were a steep $10 a pop. But the carney kept telling the guy that if he would double up, he would get the prize plus all the cash he had put in...There was much hemming and hawing, and peer pressure, and talk of how much he had already "invested" in the game, and it would be a shame to have it go to waste.

It was just incredible. The barker ended up giving the girlfriend a huge, nasty, sheriff-garb Spongebob Squarepants worth about $10 - maybe. He gave it to her out of pity, and I thought it added insult to injury. But she was too dense to realize it. It was truly fascinating!

Oh, and finally, the tractor-pushes-the-quarters game was definitely a money maker. They gave you 5 quarters for a dollar! I asked the guy if I could just cash in $5 and walk away, and he said "well, I try to keep an eye out for that kind of thing"...um, how much money are you making off this game that you can just give it away for free?!

Maybe I am in the wrong business. I want to be a carney.

I Will Definitely Graduate

Well, the final grades of my final semester are in, and I have definitely passed all of my classes.

Yay!

I will be a Master. Not a Master of the Universe, but a Master of Arts. At least I won't have to battle Skeletor.

Somehow, I just don't think I will have the same sunny feelings for George Mason that I did for UWSP. While I wasn't happy to start off at Point, the old lady grew on me, and allowed me to do a lot of things that I would not have done if I were at a bigger school.

But, Mason was more...compulsory. There was less of a sense of community, I think because everyone already had a life before they enrolled in the program. In the classroom, it was great to have people coming in with all these different perspectives. But it did make it hard to build a community.

By the power of Greyskull, I think I am waxing poetic about something that just ended last week.

Senioritis

I did not think that my last semester of graduate school would be such a drag.

It's not that the classes are bad - in fact, they are quite interesting.

It's not that the work load is crushing - it is nothing out of the ordinary.

It could only be senioritis.

In high school and college, I thought that senioritis was collective in nature...everyone around you is antsy, anxious, and feels like they can goof off, so it becomes infectious. But now I am not surrounded by people who are finishing school with me. Most of my friends are not in school at all! And, I am working during the day anyway. So, clearly, I am manifesting this sudden frustration with school all on my own.

Now, I think that it has more to do with excitement about starting the next big thing in your life. Emotionally, I have been waiting for school to be finished so I could begin to think about other projects. Michael and I have been talking about all of the things we would do when we both finished school for more than four years. So, there has been a lot of anticipation building for my graduation for a long time. I have been waiting for it to come, and now, it is finally really approaching. I just want the day to arrive.

I am reminded of waiting for Christmas when I was a child. The days used to crawl so slowly because I was excited to get to the end and get the rewards! But, now Christmas comes so quickly I barely have time to get my head around the holidays before they are all over. So, maybe this is like the adult version of Christmas...

Also, I have changed a lot in the past three years since I started this degree program. My interests have broadened, and refocused, several times. I have more desire to build stronger communities on a small scale, instead of influencing world events on a large scale. So, while finishing this coursework is important, I think that some of the answers that I was looking for in the program are less interesting to me now.

So, I have grown and changed, and am ready for all of the things that are coming in the next few months and years. Finishing school is, at this point, something to check off my to-do list.

Election Day Woes...

First, the good news.

Up until 2006, my vote has been the kiss of death for any candidate. If I voted for you, you were going to lose. I had not voted for one single winning candidate, including for such posts as town clerk. Not once. And I have voted in every single election since 1996. Even absentee when I was out of the country!

Boy did I ever break that curse...Jim Webb won the senate race against George Allen in Virginia with just over 7,000 votes. To add to the sweetness, that race gave control of the Senate to the Democrats. Finally, not only did I feel like the world saw things my way, but I felt like my vote actually mattered.

This is no easy feat. One of the largest fallacies in politics is that 'your vote matters'. The number of elections where the vote is within even 1% of all ballots is teensy. To think that a single vote mattered is really to have delusions of grandeur.

Voting is actually an awful lot about social pressure. In fact, when people are allowed to vote online, smaller communities - where social pressure is higher - have seen a decrease in voter turnout!

So, I was really happy about that particular vote. Too bad that was overshadowed by the depressingly large margin that Virginia voters approved the anti-gay amendment on the ballot.

The fact that this law passed - when it was so obviously unnecesary, not to mention overreaching (look at how a similar law in Ohio has weakened domestic violence laws) is really the final straw for Michael and me. We have talked about how we would feel if this amendment passed, and now that it has, the choice is clear: we have to move.

At this point, it is simply a matter of conscience. I cannot live in a state that is so openly hostile, so mean-spirited, and so anti-family. Apart from this amendment not changing any definition of marriage, since gay marraige was already illegal in Virginia, it opens murky legal territory for our contracts, wills, powers of attorney, property rights, and all manner of other legal arrangements.

We could stay and fight...or hope that we are lucky enough never to get into a fight...maybe that would be the noble thing to do.

But, the truth is that when it comes to someone messing with the safety and security of my family, I really don't care what is noble. I care about protecting the people that I love. That means that if I have to sell my house, or get a new job, or even relocate, that's what I will do.

And right there is the most extreme example of the problems with our red state/blue state divide. Because Americans are so mobile, there is just no good reason to stay somewhere that you feel unwelcome.

So, Michael and I aren't exactly sure how we are going to get out of Virginia, but we will start by selling our house, and take it as it comes from there. Congratulations, Virginia. You win this battle. We will leave your state.

But remember, demographics are on our side.

Wedding Tips

The year of weddings is upon me.

For my grandparents, the summer and fall after high school was when everyone they knew got married. For my parents, it was the summer and fall after college. With the sociological creep in adolescence, I am finding that the 28th year is wedding crunch time for me. In October alone, I have three weddings to attend. And that doesn't count the weddings I just can't feasibly get to.

In that spirit, I wanted to offer some money-saving wedding tips that Michael and I employed to have a spirited affair that didn't break the bank. It should be said that the average wedding costs around $20,000 now, which is really obscene if you ask me.

And, it should also be said that there are far more exhaustive resources than my blog for wedding tips. But, the whole wedding industry - including the 'tips' industry - often loses sight of the marriage by placing too much emphasis on the wedding. Having just passed our one year anniversary, Michael and I are great examples of how the wedding ceremony is not the end, but instead, the beginning. Everyone involved in weddings would do well to remind themselves of that.

So, given that the wedding ceremony is a chance to celebrate your relationship, there are a number of things that you can do to reflect oyur own values and priorities as a couple that have the added benefit of saving money. Here are some tips that Michael and I used to keep the costs down, and the focus where it should be:

-We convinced a friend to create several playlists on her ipod in lieu of a DJ. This allowed us a lot more control over the playlists, which gave us a chance to incorporate many more songs that were important to us, our family and our friends. Also, we could avoid the dreaded chicken dance.

-Go somewhere that's hard to get to: only the people who mean the most to you will make the trek, and you can still invite lots of people (this doesn't mean Hawaii...try a 10-14 hour drive for most guests - the effort people make to join you will be all the more special.)

-Culinary and art schools have great leads on student caterers and photographers. Many times, the teacher will incorporate your wedding into a class project to give them hands-on experience. Make sure to ask for senior-year students. They will do everything for you - give you the digital negatives, do a full tasting, etc. Make it worth their while, though, and really talk them up.

-Buy your place settings at IKEA. Way cheaper than renting (by half, at least), and you can donate them to a shelter or nonprofit afterwards.

-Or better yet, give them away as favors.

-Speaking of favors, don't give them out. No one will walk away from the event feeling like they were robbed because they didn't get a mix CD of your favorite songs.

-Speaking of nonprofits, they are great places to scope out doing the ceremony and/or reception. Many historic homes, art museums, etc can be rented for private events quite reasonably, and really make a unique experience.

-Have a gay wedding: you can still invite people, but some of them won't come! Plus, you can really save a lot when you don't have to buy a girl's engagement ring or a dress.

The Six Month Update

Well, I am sorry for the hiatus. I have heard your comments, and I am happy to return to the blogosphere.

I should apologize for the long break. This summer has been, well, quite a bit more than I bargained for in terms of finding personal time. Or really, any time at all.

The biggest change that I have gone through this summer is the start of a new job, and the farewell to an old job. It was time for me to look for some new challenges in my career, and an exciting opportunity came up where I could expand my skills, travel, use my Spanish speaking, and have a shorter commute. The downside was that I would be moving to a smaller office - a total of four people, and one position is open right now! - and that I would not be in the city anymore.

My philosophy on career movement is that you want to make your moves like a flight of stairs: work in a small organization to gain experience, then make a lateral move in terms of job title, but into a larger organization so you can apply your knowledge and see how the larger organization does things in the level above you. Once you learn that, take a step forward in terms of job title, but move back to a small organization so you can do all the things that you saw your boss do. Repeat the cycle, and you will see that you are moving over, then up, then over, then up - just like a flight of stairs.

So, the size of the organization wasn't something that I worried too much about, because I was at a larger organization. And, while I would rather be in the city, I could get over that because of all the other positive things that I saw in making the change.

Of course, leaving all of my colleagues and friends has been dificult, but on my last day, I realized that I don't have to say goodbye to those relationships: I take them with me into my new experiences. And, it's not like those lines on my resume go away either. Instead, I get to add to them with new projects. So, overall, I am feeling quite positive about the move.

That said, it has been a disruption, like any job change would be.

On top of that, my brother came to stay with us over the summer to gain some professional internship experience before going into his last year of college. It was good to have him close by, and get to know him in a different way than I have before. It was also hard to share your space so intimately with a guest. We didn't realize how much we used our guest room/office! But, now that he's gone, I do miss having him around...

Also, my sister, brother-in-law and nephew just moved to the area for her training to become a foreign service officer. It really has been great having them around, but it's been an adjustment to find the time that I want to spend with them. Since they will only be here until November, I really feel the need to get our time in together.

And, Michael and I had various and sundry other guests visit over the course of the summer; I also took two summer classes in order to stay on track to finish school this coming May. While I am glad now that I did it, it was really a nightmare to have class four nights a week during the summer, especially with everything else going on.

So, now that the summer is coming to an end, and I go back for fall semester tonight for the first time, I am looking forward to a more focused, productive fall.

Thanks for your patience while I get my life together, and I'm looking forward to being in better touch.

Also, I am sort of giving up on the audioblogging for right now. I think it's a great formula, and I am looking forward to using it more, but I don't think this blog is quite the place for it.

Honeymoon in Vegas

Tax Time

I've Become One of 'Those People'.

My First Audio Post.

It Doesn't Matter if You're Just Going #1

This is an urgent posting. The situation has reached a fever pitch, and we must all band together to take a stand.

I cannot stand silently by any longer while our society crumbles. Of course, I am referring to men who don't wash their hands after using the urinal.

Is there some teflon coating that they have used on their hands that makes them impervious to germs? Are their bodies scrubbed so shiny and new that no bacteria exist? Of course not!

Just because you don't sit down doesn't mean that you don't get dirty. You're still reaching in and digging around down there and I, for one, don't want to be the first one to shake your hand after that.

Please, even if you know you are spotless and that the handles on the sink are dirtier than you are, just humor me on this one. When I'm not around, you can lick the bathroom walls for all I care, but when I'm in there with you, just suck it up and wash 'em.

Men, though, are convinced that they are the only ones who have the superhuman ability to repel germs. I have even had guys say to me, in all seriousness, that they will take their chances, because 'at least I know where my body parts have been.'

This may be true, but the rest of us don't know where you've been. And you have already proven that your standards of hygiene may leave something to be desired so forgive me for not trusting that you use hand sanitizer at your desk every 20 minutes.

Women, be forewarned, and men, be reminded: many men don't wash their hands if they're in the bathroom less than two minutes.

Happy Holidays!

This year, in lieu of sending out Christmas cards, I have decided to post my annual year-in-recap udpate online. If you're an optimist, you will be glad I have felled fewer trees. If you are a pessimist, you will bemoan this day of instant-gratification, always-on fad-chasing as the flash in the pan it likely is.

I choose to be an optimist, and am using the environmental angle for all its worth.

Possibly, I am feeling optimistic because of some of the things that have happened to me in the past year. If you regularly follow this blog you will know that in February, I got engaged, and in September, I got married (I hear a number of cynical, non-romantic type people even cried).

I won't chronicle that whole process for you, but I will tell you that at just over three months after the wedding, we don't seem to have any less to do. I thought that after the wedding was behind me, I would be able to focus on all of the little things that I had been neglecting, like regular correspondence and organizing the spice collection. Alas!

Immediately on our return, Michael and I took hammers and crowbars to our kitchen to start our most ambitious renovation project yet. So big, in fact, that we could not possibly go it alone. We can do a lot, but offsetting the weight-bearing load of the ceiling to cut down half of a wall, and running new gas line across the entire house were a little beyond our abilities.

So, for the past two months, we have been fighting over the most insignificant of decisions as we remodel. If you have ever remodeled, you must remember how many different colors, finishes, metals, handles, tile, paint, heights, widths, angles, creative solutions, and mistake fixes you have had to decide.

I would recommend avoiding any renovations at least until the paper anniversary.

Undaunted by all this niggling, Michael and I have come through the process, and are now emerging on the other side with a bona fide hipster pad. Part urban contemporary, part antique, part ironic kitsch, part overserious adult, our apartment has finally become our home.

Completing this process has put the finishing touches on our transformation from boyfriends to a family. The English have a saying to describe something that is steadfast and secure: "safe as houses." I can understand why.

Now, if the rest of our building would just get the message! Our building was built in 1965, and converted in 1985. Some of the residents are the original owners from that conversion, and have officially moved into the old retired lady category. The board of directors was overwhelmingly in that category, and it was quite frustrating to try to get a straight answer about some basic questions, like "why is the community manager only here during limited business hours, when everyone is at work?" and, "why is there no visitor parking, despite having the space for it?" or, "why are there so many feral cats running around outside our building?" Actually, the third one did have an answer: because one of the board members was feeding them!

Michael expressed mild interest in possibly running for a spot on the board in passing, and it was a forest fire of excitement everywhere he turned! People were coming up to him in the hallway to tell him how he should run, and there needed to be some big changes around here. In November, Michael walked into the annual board meeting, and people started pointing to their friends, and declaring, "that's Michael!" Several people who didn't speak English well asked him to write his name on their ballots since they didn't know how to spell it.

Suffice it to say, Michael is now the Vice President of the Palazzo Condominium Association, and I have taken to refering to myself as Tipper Gore. I thought that was a little more tasteful than Lynn Cheney.

Now, we are frantically packing and preparing for our honeymoon: a week in Seoul and almost two weeks in Thailand. We will be seeing friends, beaching, clubbing, palacing, artisan-districting, and hopefully showing Michael a little bit about what working in Korea would be like by visiting a couple friends who are working there now. It's the trip we've been talking about taking since we first met, but there have been myriad reasons why it was never a good time. We decided, though, that if we didn't do it for our honeymoon, we might never do it. So, it's off we go, and a good thing too. I think, after visiting my mom and stepdad in their new home in Las Vegas, we might need a little time out de-Amerify.

The last year has been one of tremendous growth for me personally, and I am so grateful for the blessings of the past year. You, dear reader, are one of those blessings. Thank you for your friendship and I look forward to seeing you and hearing from you more often in the coming year.

My First Awkward-Marriage-Explanation-to-a-Customer-Service-Rep

I called the insurance company to add Michael's apartment to our insurance policy. This was the conversation:

Jamie: I need to add my husband's property to our existing insurance policy.
Insurance Agent: Are both names already on the account?
JB: Yes.
IA: And, who am I speaking with?
JB: This is Jamie.
IA: Let me pull up your account...OK, so you wanted to add your wife to the policy?
JB: No, my husband's property.
IA: I already have two people on the account.
JB: Yes, but there's one new property to add.
IA: So, you want to add your husband's property?
JB: Yes.
IA: Is this Michael's property?
JB: Yes.
IA: And who am I speaking with?
JB: Jamie.
IA: And, you want to add your wife to the policy?
JB: No, my husband is already on the policy.
IA: Are you a male?
JB: Yes.
IA: So, we're talking about two males?
JB: Yes.
IA:...OK, I can help you with that.

Well done! The whole process (after the initial confusion) was quite painless!

Sharing Our Story

Jonathan Rauch, whom I met at Brookings, and who has been writing about gay marriage for quite some time (check out his excellent book here) wrote a piece about Michael's and my wedding. It's posted here.

Andrew Sullivan's Daily Dish features a quote from the article here.

I have believed for some time that by sharing your story, you actually make it more real. From the response Michael and I have gotten so far, that's definitely true in our case. The love and support on our wedding day, and a new outpouring of responses from this article just keep reinforcing to us that we are part of a community and family that will support us throughout our relationship.

It's truly edifying. Thank you.

Gay Wedding Wishes from President and First Lady Bush

Michael was excited to send an invitation to the President and First Lady to attend our wedding. He thought it would be helpful for them if they saw a loving, caring gay couple who had decided to bond their lives together, to care for each other, and to support each other to be their best, both for each other and for society.

Unfortunately, President and Mrs. Bush weren't able to join us for the occasion, but they did take the time to send a very thoughtful, considerate card. Below is a picture of it.

I think if they would've come to the wedding, they would have been warmly embraced by both of our families. They would've seen one of my dearest friends, Caryn, raise her glass to toast, "to Michael and Jamie, who's friends have always been my friends, and who's family has always been my family." It would've been hard for them to leave without having a great time dancing with my brother-in-law, and without tearing up a bit when I choked up saying my vows.

It would've been hard for them to be there and feel like they were watching something bad or wrong. There was too much love.

I wish they would've come, but we were glad to get their card in abstentia.

The First Wedding Photos - with Congratulations from President and First Lady Bush

Here are the pictures; the first is Michael and me, with the cake and some pictures from when we were younger - we both had Mickey Mouse school bags for our first day of school!

The second is the card we received from the President and First Lady. I'm sorry they missed a great party!

Here Come the Grooms...

Sorry I haven't posted in forever. The web is so relentless in its unending capacity to consume every idea I have in just a few short months, then leave my blog with no new postings for vast stretches of time, unveiling the sad sad truth that I really don't have that much to say.

However, this time I really do have a good excuse: I got married last weekend!

It was a whirlwind of activity, as all weddings are. But in the end, with the help of so many amazing friends and family members, everything turned out wonderfully.

And, any excuse to have a party is a good excuse!

We had the ceremony on the grounds of Jacob's Pillow Dance Festival, where we originally planned to have an outdoor ceremony. However, because of threatening weather, we moved the ceremony indoors, which ended up being so nice because it felt intimate, and everyone could hear. In the outdoor space, there was some danger of people being too spread out, and maybe not benig able to hear (plus, being blinded by the sun and all...).

The dinner was lovely, with food that was second to none. Several people said to me that it was one of the best wedding meals they've had. Thanks and huge kudos go to Adam Joseph, a good friend and amazing chef and caterer.

The Pillow really was the perfect place for a wedding, too, since it was so picturesque, and it is quiet after the end of the festival. If you're looking for a really unique location for a wedding or event, it's worth checking out.

We spent a couple of days in Vermont after the wedding, just decompressing, hiking, riding bikes, and eating huge two hour meals. It was a great time of year to be in Stowe - before the height of fall foliage, and away from the ski crowds.

All in all, a huge success. I'm still basking!

Breakfast of Champions

Some mornings, I have fun reading through Camper English's Hate Blog. It's often a nice way to start the day when you're feeling a little grumpy to begin with.

Camper and I seem like kindred spirits, albeit on opposite coasts. And Camper drinks more (a lot more) than me. Now that I think about it, Camper would probably get on well with my ex-boyfriend Ray, who is moving to San Francisco after changing his name to something much more cool sounding. Because Ray can drink all night, and somehow look fresh faced the next morning. But, I digress.


Camper wrote a book called Party Like A Rockstar Even When You're Poor as Dirt, which sounds right up my alley. He talks about how to do lots of stuff cheap, and now has a Rock Star blog that has even more tips, like how to make your own Gatorade (for real).

In that vein, I'll submit my own tip for the best way to avoid spending $3.50 for a breakfast sandwich. It's way easy.

Put down two pieces of toast.
Grease a regular bowl, then crack one egg in it, mix and microwave for 45 seconds (covered).
Slap a piece of cheese on top of the egg, and a piece of lunchmeat on that, microwave for 30 seconds.

The edges of the egg should slip right out onto the toasted bread, and you shouldn't even need to butter the bread. Cut in half and wrap in paper for a true deli breakfast experience.

This is Michael's recipe, that I've doctored up by putting bread on either side of it. Who knew you could nuke eggs so easily? Serve with coffee you brewed yourself, and save another couple of bucks.

School's out for the summer!

Yes, it's true, last week I finished my summer class; now, three whole weeks of vacation!

The only truly distasteful part of the final exam was the unfortunate fact that two people cheated on it.

I am disappointed in my classmates, and more than a little angry about it. Talk about the most basic issue of fairness!

To make it worse, cheating on this exam probably required more work than just taking it for real; what's the upside in cheating if you have to do *more* work than you otherwise would?!

The exam was a blue book essay exam; the professor gave a series of questions out to the class in advance, saying that some of them would be on the final, and others wouldn't. Of course, these two guys just wrote their blue books in advance with the material handed out in advance, then switched their blue books out from blank ones to completed ones when the exam began.

Not terribly difficult to do, unfortunately, especially because the professor left for ONE HOUR in the middle of the testing period to go back to his house and get the teacher evaluation forms, which he had forgotten. This made one cheater so brazen that he turned in his test in just 15 minutes. I thought it was odd at the time, and even thought to myself, "How could that guy finish so fast? He was never even in class*..." before hurrying back to my own work.

*This is actually true; he probably only made it to 75% of the lectures, and we only met once a week. When he was there, he zoned through the entire thing.

What's so ridiculous is that it must've taken these guys hours upon hours to research and write up the answers to the exam questions in advance. They probably rechecked their facts a couple of times, and did altogether too much work for a final like this.

I, on the other hand, spent all of 1 hour on a Saturday reviewing my notes with a couple of people, and walked in to the exam cold. Somehow I managed to do just fine on it; if the point of cheating is to avoid the work of learning the information, then they really lost out, because they easily spent twice the amount of time that I did on it.

Over drinks afterwards, some classmates and I got pretty riled up over the whole thing, and decided to report this back to the professor. Not because we're tattletales, or teachers pets, but because I don't want someone like that in my next class in this program, and I certainly don't want them getting the same degree as me.

I mean, let's face it: the coursework for my program just really isn't *that* hard...it's stimulating, sometimes challenging, but it's not overwhelmingly difficult. There's not even any math in the degree course (as if that could be the worst thing)!

So, one of my friends reported back to the teacher, who had his own suspicions on these two "perfect" tests, and was grateful to know for sure. He said he would, "give them low grades to reflect this."

Ex-squeeze me?!?

A low grade? (Which, he told us in the first week, was a B-!!!)

Boy, for all the talk of academic integrity, honor code, and the importance of citing sources that every teacher gives you at the beginning of their class (which is further underscored by the academic integrity oath that you have to SIGN when you enroll), I am just sick that these cheaters are still going to PASS THE CLASS!

I mean, they threaten to kick you out for cheating. I am serious! In my first semester, one professor said, "we had to make two people leave the program last semester for violation of academic integrity."

I guess an expulsion-worthy violation must be more like cheating on an exam by taking a completed exam, crossing out the existing name, and WRITING YOURS IN, or something equally dubious and idiotic.